Head Up
by new moongirl
Summary: Zuko never understood his mother's words until the day he set himself free. The day he escaped his self imposed prison and realized that he had a choice.And again when he fell in love with someone he shouldn't. slash Zukoxaang
1. The right path

All his, life, Zuko had always struggled to find his peace with his mother's words, no her last words, but a phrase she used to tell him when he was feeling inferior to Azula. "No matter how hard it is, always keep your head up darling, you're a human being bestowed with dignity and honor, and no one but you can take that away."

He'd never understood the true meaning of her words until that moment he'd truly lost his honor, the moment he'd helped Azula kill the avatar.

He'd been horrified. True, he'd been in many fights with the avatar and his friends, but he'd never seriously tried to kill them, just capture them. And then Azula had gone and murdered the 12 year old boy in cold blood, on her face a smirk of victory. It was enough to make him sick.

That was the wretched moment he'd realized that his father had never taken away his honor, he had thrown it away. The shame he felt was enough to cause him to deny his discovery. He felt more frustrated then he'd ever felt before. More angry and ferocious then he'd ever thought himself possible of. It was like in finding his true self he'd lost a part of himself in this old yet new life of being a prince.

Even being an outcast had felt more wholesome then that parody of a life he'd inflicted upon himself.

So he'd left. He wasn't about to walk around empty inside for the rest of his life. Mai, wasn't enough of a reason to stay. She should have been, but the part of him she'd filled up wasn't enough to leave him even content. He was sorrowful, as he'd followed the avatar and his friends, thinking of how Mai would react when she found his scroll, but as he soared forward, he felt relief and freedom wash over him. The confinement and mundane being washed away by the wind.

This was what felt right. The freedom was nothing in comparison with being the prince of the fire nation. Nothing in comparison with what his father thought his destiny was. What he wanted Zuko to be, what Zuko knew he could never be but tried anyway.

He was lucky to be born, to experience his first flame, his mother's love and his uncle's guidance. To experience THIS, this LIFE. To experience the open ocean, the endless sky, and the rolling mountains.

In his travel's he'd had a goal, he'd never thought of looking at LIFE. But he was now. And he understood what his uncle had been telling him for the past three years of his life.

In that instant, he was no longer fettered to his past expectations. He'd transcended that, he would keep his head up, just like his mother had said. To rule his own destiny and do what made him happy. He was going to follow his heart and, he wouldn't regret anymore. He would live free.

AN: hmm…in case you're wondering, this was influenced by a song "Keep your head up" by Girls can'c catch. I hope you enjoyed it. Heh. And this will be a slash fic eventually. And it will also be M…in the last chapter. =D

-newmoongirl


	2. The second time

The moment Zuko had looked at Aang and thought he was beautiful, he'd almost had a heart attack.

The only person he'd ever thought of in a romantic way as being beautiful had been Mai. And she'd died giving birth to their second child three years. It wasn't expected at all. He'd never thought that strong and powerful Mai would die in childbirth. It was inconceivable. He'd been devastated. But he'd fought through it, just as he'd fought through everything else in life, with his mother's words burning brightly in his soul. "Keep your head up Zuko."

He was 22 now, still in his prime, but he hadn't thought of getting married again, he did already have an heir, so it wasn't mandatory; and Mai was probably the only woman he would ever carry in his heart.

And even though he'd never been attracted to another woman, he'd never considered men as a possibility. Until he'd seen Aang half dressed and practicing his firebending in the palace courtyard. In the very courtyard that Azula, Tai-lee and Mai had played in.

His stance had improved, and so had his posture, it was a great deal better then when they'd fought the final battle.

But his body was so much more developed. Muscled in all the right places but not too much. Slightly curvy, shining with a slight sheen of sweat, his eye's glittering in determination. It was enough to send a jolt of desire spiraling though Zuko's body and his nether regions become slightly compromised. He thanked Agni that his heavy robes concealed any movement his crotch made. After all, it would have been devastating if his Advisors had seen anything. They were always looking for a weakness; a reason to kick him down and dirty his reputation.

Of course he hadn't acted on his attraction. He was pretty sure that Aang and Katara were still seeing each other. He was surprised that they hadn't gotten married yet. Seeing as he'd married Mai at sixteen, and Aang was now nineteen, he didn't see what was holding them back.

It was because of his mothers words that he hadn't gone though the angsty i-can't-belive-I'm-gay period. He made his own honor and dignity. And there was no shame in loving someone whether man or woman.

He, of course, didn't know that Katara was now seeing Haru, nor did he catch the way Aang undressed him with his eyes every time he caught a glance of the Fire lord in the palace halls.

AN: hah, yes, indeed I am a slash shipper…phear me!! Ok, I suppose there will be one more chapter…and that one will me M for slashy goodnesss~ yay!! =D

-newmoongirl


	3. The final decision

It was about a year after Zuko discovered his feelings when the old group got together. They all of course came to the fire nation capital, seeing as Zuko couldn't easily get away from the palace.

He'd been happy to see them. Suki was pregnant with Sokka's third child, Toph brought along her own boy toy to which she was engaged. Zuko secretly approved of her choice. Not that he expected any less from the earth bender. Katara walked in holding Haru's hand, which made him raise an eyebrow, and Aang flew in through the window perfectly happy, just as he always was.

He'd been startled that Aang hadn't informed him of this change, but he decided to take it in stride. He was almost glad for this unexpected complication. Now he could long for Aang without the thought of betraying Katara…again.

They'd talked of old times and how they were doing now, what they were planning and what they wished they could do again. All the while, Zuko glanced over at Aang, reveling in the happiness he saw reflected in those alluring azure eyes.

He couldn't sleep at all that night. He lay there almost as if he was waiting for something to happen. It was how he was the nights assassins attacked, only there wasn't trepidation, just anticipation.

Therefore, there was little surprise when he heard the rustle of fabric as someone slipped past his guards and through his window. He didn't stir, choosing to lay still, "asleep," as the intruder approached. He knew who it was. At least he thought he did. There was only one person that could bypass his guards that easily.

"Zuko."

He shifted at the whisper, but didn't open his eyes, waiting for the other's next movement. Aang would have to instigate anything. He wasn't about to make a fool of himself by coming on to the younger man only to find out that Aang was scared and wanted another person to sleep with.

He felt gentle fingers trace his jaw, hover just above his lips and draw away. He let out a small groaning sound, pleading in its frequency. "Aang. What are you doing?"

He heard the other gasp and take a step back. He was going to run.

Zuko lunged forward blindly, tackling the younger male and bringing them both to the ground. "Aang…" he wasn't about to let the other leave without an explanation. Those gentle touches had conveyed longing, the longing of unrequited love. A feeling that was very familiar to Zuko. It was how he touched his father's sleeve, how he reached out to Azula. He wasn't going to let the avatar walk away with that sort empty feeling festering in his heart.

There was a brief struggle, as Zuko brought that other under control, grappling to bring the others hands above his head and stop his flailing. "Aang…" he called, "AANG!"

The other froze and both lay there panting with exertion. "What did you want to tell me?"

Silence was his only answer; he frowned.

"Aang." He repeated. "I won't do anything until I know what you're after." He purposefully let his voice drop to a husky baritone and his breath ghost over a delicate ear. If the other wasn't going to speak freely, he was going to seduce it out of him.

The shiver his actions produced was satisfying. It had been a long time since he had a sexual partner. "Please," his growl was low, almost inaudible. How he longed to take the smaller man right then. To feel him writhe, and squirm, hear him panting, whimpering in need. He gently nuzzled Aang's neck, seeking something, anything that would indicate consent.

His anticipation was short lived as Aang gave out a breathy moan, "Yes, Zuko…please, oh please."

The fire lord smiled against skin and finally, allowed himself a taste of sweet smelling skin. Male, was the word that swam up to the surface of Zuko's mind. Aang defiantly tasted male. Sweet, but still musky, nothing like Mai. And that was fine. He wasn't looking to replace her. Now was a time to lose himself in Aang. To lose himself to this bright and intelligent _man_.

Breathing in deeply, he sucked on Aang's neck, letting go with a slight popping noise. Red marks soon littered pale skin. Down the delicate neck and collar bone, down to luscious pink nipples, and further.

Clothes were disposed of, and neither Zuko nor Aang thought of relocating to the bead only two feet away. Until, that is, Zuko discovered the challenge of preparing his lover for penetration.

He eased himself up slightly. He had some oil beside his bed that he used when he accidently burned himself on rare occasions. "I need lube." He murmured as he caressed the clenching entrance teasingly. "I'll be back in a second."

"No." Aang tried to stop him, "Now, just do it." He sounded desperate, like the minute Zuko left he wouldn't come back.

"I'm not hurting you if its avoidable." Zuko appeased, caressing a side hotly, "Not again, not like I used to. Now let me up." The other complied reluctantly. "Also, let's move to the bed. I don't want rug burns on your back tomorrow." There was a nod as the other smoothly maneuvered toward the red cotton sheets. Zuko held back a groan at the slight. Delicious. That ass was delicious.

Locating his oil, Zuko slid onto the bed, his hand now slippery with lube and deposited himself between his new lover's open thighs. He traced the opening lightly, feeling the muscles tense in anticipation. Frowning, he rubbed his hands slightly together and grabbed Aang's stiff member at the same time he plunged his first finger past the ring. He heard a muffled yell as Aang bit down on his fist.

"Don't hold back," Zuko instructed, "I want to hear you scream." He nipped a thigh near his head, pausing to lick it in a sensual manner, amber eyes looking straight back into cerulean. He wanted Aang to like this, damn if he was going to cause the other pain that he could prevent.

Moving his fingers in and out, Zuko added an occasional stroke of his fist along Aang's cock to drive away any discomfort.

A string of pleas interrupted the incessant panting. Zuko smiled, adding a third finger, causing Aang to jolt with a scream of pleasure. He felt himself smirk in victory. And struck that place again. Aang clenched at the sheets and let out a choked gasp.

Now was the time he could take the other in good conscious. He didn't know if Aang was a virgin or not, but at this point it didn't matter. Withdrawing his fingers extracted a whimper from his partener. the look of pure lust nearly undid him.

"Soon," Zuko murmured, wiping the excess fluid along his cock. His patience was being dearly tested at it was, and he was positive he wasn't going to hold out much longer.

Hooking Aang's legs over his shoulders, Zuko kissed Aang's shoulder and pushed in slowly. Crying out in want, Aang pushed back, impatient. "Fuck," he intoned.

"Fuck indeed," gasped Zuko as he thrust all the way into the tight channel. He stilled, waiting for his partner to adjust before beginning a rhythm. "Agni," he breathed as Aang arched under him. This was better than his fantasies. Continuing his harsh pace, Zuko peppered kisses and licks along Aang's collar bone, while grabbing the smaller's hips for greater leverage. "Damn you're tight."

Aang just whimpered, digging his nails into Zuko's shoulder blades hard enough to draw blood. He let out a breathless shout as his prostate was hit head on. "Harder…"

Smirking, Zuko complied, letting a hand snake down from an abused nipple to the hard erection nestled between their bodies. Feeling Aang clenching around him in ecstacy and scream out his name, Zuko bit down hard on the junction between his lover's neck and shoulder, coming shortly after.

Aang sighed, completely pliable underneath the older man's body. He was sticky and tiered, but he was satisfied. "I've wanted that for years." He whispered into Zuko's scared ear, tacing lazy circles on the other's back.

"Hnnn…not nearly as long as you have." Giving one last lick to the bit mark he was sure would last for a couple days; Zuko pulled out and rolled to the side, draping an arm over Aang's waist. "You better not say this was a onetime thing, cause avatar or not, I'll kill you."

Feeling the smaller man snuggle closer to his warmth, Zuko took that as a positive response. Yawning, he allowed himself a moment of amusement at how the others would react tomorrow at breakfast. There was no possible way Aang would be able to hide all those love bites with his usual shirt-less attire.

Remembering his advisors, cause his amusement to evaporate. "Keep your head up." He whispered. He was going to have to fight off a lot of prejudice and rumors. Hopefully Aang wouldn't be too upset about everything. They could get through this together, he was positive.

**AN: OMG three chapters in 24 hours…the sudden inspiration made me write and I knew that if I didn't finished soon…I never would hah. So thank you for reading~ I hope you all enjoyed it. =D**

**Oh! And I forgot it at the beginning, so here it is:**

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN AVATAR:THE LAST AIRBENDER**_

**its impossible, sadly…if I did there would be a lot more BL. ^^**

**-newmoongirl**


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